As we learn to view boundaries as a necessity in our lives, we also need to know how to set healthy boundaries for others, and help them to respect them. We will discuss three ways in which people of all relationships push or cross your boundaries. I see my life as a large circle with several inner circles. In the very center I place myself, then my children, spouse and any close family members in the circle around the center. The outer circle thereafter will be occupied by my close friends. People less relevant in my life can be found in circles far from my center. Once this exercise is complete you will see that you have set different wholesale silk lash for each person in your life.Llmsu
In reality this should be handled the same way. I do not treat the mail man the same as I do my daughter and therefore this acquaintance takes much less importance than my close family members do. Violating your boundaries happens when one of the outer circle occupants pushes their way inward. It feels like a violation of personal space, uninvited, and makes us feel uncomfortable and resentful. We feel that it is rude and therefore we almost treat it as trespassing into our livers. However, it happens so often that people are unaware of other people’s wholesale silk lash and are unaware of crossing them. Even if subtle hints are dropped many push in like a bull in a china shop, verbally and physically, and then proceed to make us feel guilty when we reject them. Many individuals retreat not wanting to hurt anyone’s feeling and accept it helplessly.
Here are some points that may be helpful in your daily life to protect yourself from this sort of behavior:
On the phone
- You are under no obligation whatsoever to take anyone’s call.
- If you choose not to take their call or return a text message, you do not owe anyone any type of explanation.
- If you feel that you need to explain, it is simple to say I wasn’t around my phone, I didn’t have my phone with me, or simply say: Yes I saw that you had called. The less conversation, the better.
- In the event that you have to make a phone call, be prepared of what you are going to say. The moment you pick up the phone needing to discuss something, both parties will want to lead the conversation. It is in your favor to know exactly what you are going to say, how far you are willing to go into the conversation, what direction you want the conversation to go, how the conversation is going to end and at what time you will need to end the call.
- If you make a call and you do not know what it is that you want, the opposite wholesale silk lash will make up your mind for you.
- Remember, regardless of how much you feel obligated to anyone in whatever way, you do not owe anyone anything that you do not wish to give, especially not an explanation.
- There are so many ways to exclude anyone from your social media sites that this may be the simplest of all ways to protect yourself.
- Delete the person, block them from your posts, block the person all together, block their friends or family members, whatever you will need to do to keep your privacy.
- Again, you do not owe anyone any kind of explanation, but if you feel like you want to explain or if you happened to be confronted about it, simply say, that you felt the need for privacy. People who love you will understand this.
Dealing with People in Person
Setting your boundaries face to face with someone takes a little more courage than avoiding a phone call or blocking someone on social media. It is of utmost importance that we do not react but pro-act. Equal to the planned phone conversation, be prepared and be ready for what you are going to say. Have a phrase ready that will quickly remove you from the conversation. Typically people who disrespect other people’s boundaries are not just emotionally pushy, but often bully verbally and wholesale silk lash. Remember quick phrases such as: I have to leave now, I got to go, I have work to do, I will not talk about this right now, so and so is waiting for me, etc.
- It can take place in a friendly situation where you can tell a family member: “I love you, but I do need for you to do this instead of… “
- It could be a co-worker where you kindly have to remind them: “This is my personal business and I don’t think it is professional to talk about this… ” or simply: “Let’s keep this on a professional level… “.
- It could be with a parent or in-law where you simply say: “I would like to have you in our lives, but we do need some time to ourselves… ” or whatever needs to be addressed.
- Ex-husbands or ex-wives may be addressed as: “Let us focus on what problem we need to address or what we both need to share, and not worry about anything else… “
Pro-acting vs. reacting is taking control of the conversation/conflict instead of reacting to it. It means staying focused on what you want to achieve. It is ignoring someone who is starting conflict, ignoring irrelevant comments, or unkind gestures. It is knowing your value and remembering who you are. It is not sinking to your opponent’s level, but gracefully remaining with the facts. I love this rendition of a Mark Twain quote, “Don’t argue with an idiot, bystanders won’t know who is who.” There is a lot of truth to that. While enjoying the humor of this quote it is always a good idea to steer clear of any name calling or of verbally wholesale silk lash out. Stay classy, stay factual, and stay focused. You will gain so much respect and also feel better about yourself.
The main idea here is that you familiarize yourself with the situation in detail. You will no longer fear to take wh olesale silk lashbecause you do now have the right weapons to protect yourself. You are taking control of your life. You no longer float; you swim into the right direction.
You are under no obligation to open your front door and you are under no obligation to open your car door or roll down the window. It is your life, your time, your peace and your property, and you are empowered.
If you feel like you are being bullied or stalked, see that you can create a journal and carefully write down all dates, times, locations, duration and possible wholesale silk lash. Then immediately contact the police and file a report along with a restraining order. Too many women waited to file a report because they did not take stalking serious and either got battered, raped, or killed.
If you feel uncomfortable with someone you work with, do not hesitate to inform your supervisor or go directly to the corporate office. If necessary consider a transfer or shift change. Sometimes it is not worth to fight a battle and invest time, money, energy, and emotions that rob one of one’s peace. Here it is important to pick and choose your battles to your benefit.